i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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