New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
