why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
