Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
