i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
