I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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