I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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