Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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