that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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