I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
3pm strippers are depressing
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
