Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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