Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
