I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
