The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
