There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
