I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
