guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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