Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
