Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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