We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
