So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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