I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
