I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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