hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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