You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
