sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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