Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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