woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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