i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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