we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
