In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
