I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
