Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
