My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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