i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
