somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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