Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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