is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
