the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize