Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
