i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
