I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
