I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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