i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
