i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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