I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
