I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
