Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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