woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
