Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
